.... Up the Hill to Fetch a Pail of Water

Well, I don't have a well, or a Jack, and my name isn't Jill. And I started walking up the Hill to fetch a pail of rain water Wednesday or Thanksgiving Day, 2011 to make into my own private drinking water.  I must have been under the pressure of the New Moon and Mercury Retrograde. I allowed myself to call myself out onto the carpet and listen deeply to what my grumbling, dissenting inner voices were saying. They laid out a long list of undone projects and abandoned dreams and interests. Was a bit overwhelming. I really, really, really wanna be true to myself! I asked for guidance and got the message to start with the most immediate thing. I was THIRSTY! But, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to drink. We are on Nashville Metro water (Cumberland punch)..and we have a filter on it. I had rather be thirsty than to drink it! It tasted fine, yet at some nonverbal level, I didn't want it. I cast my inquiry around and it landed on "I want rain water, boiled with rocks, filtered, and aerated." (Like fresh running clean stream water used to be.)

I complied with myself. Put in a fossil, a large piece of crystalline geode, some small beach pebbles and boiled for at least 10 minutes. The first batch I put chickweed, and bits of leaf from rosemary, thyme, Indian Strawberry, dandelion, and a couple of other things after the water cooled down. The plant matter floated. I had poured the water back and forth to aerate it.

The water felt wetter and definitely more satisfying. It was easy for me to drink a lot. ( Literature I read informs that  urine that is colorless or nearly colorless indicates sufficient hydration.) I was easily able to drink treated rain water enough to get the color out my urine. (Use of a clear or white container enables me to see the color without the misleading dilution of toilet bowl water.)

A little while after drinking the first batch of water, I felt a bit sick. I assume this was the result of the movement of toxins being released.

About 5 days into my drink rain water project, I added a clean egg shell to the rocks for boiling, to get mineral my body needs in addition to the small amount coming from the rocks.

I have a sense of well being doing this and am overall feeling better, even though I have been excessively eating Holiday meals and left overs.

The reader may be wondering about the safety of rain water compared to city water. Our rain water comes from a metal roof, not asphalt shingle roof. The first rains that wash the air and the collecting roof is dumped to the side before the cleaner rain is allowed to flow into the holding tanks.

Pollution is a problem with water. I figure what I can collect is cleaner than what the water treatment plants can produce. Our filter reduces the chlorine and sediment, but doesn't remove all the weird man-made chemical (think, agricultural run off, and what all the humans flush down their toilets and drugs they excrete in their urine.) So my body feels happier with the rain water than the filtered city water. I can not speak for anyone elses' body.

Food, Brain Chemistry and Metaphysics In My Life Update November 2011

A few days ago I started recording what I eat and  how I am feeling as a first step on the way of developing a life-long eating plan that supports optimum brain chemistry.
My motivation to look into this?
I want to be able to carry out more of the ideas I have. I have worked this on the metaphysical level a lot already and continue to work on that level. Now, for balance, I am working on the physical since I want to manifest on the physical my fulfillment. ( I have a good bit of inner fulfillment and the ability to make peace with "the way things are".)

My studies and practice of Marshal Rosenberg's work, NonViolent Communication, confirmed and strengthened my hunch that listening to all the voices in me is important. (The interaction dynamics of the tribe inside of me is pretty much like the scope of interaction of the tribe outside of my body. I like to call this Inner Tribe/Outer Tribe.)

Earlier this year, I called to council the Inner Tribe with the goal of investigating and resolving tension that had been ongoing for years. The dispute turned out to be between the Inner Feminine and and Inner Masculine. He was frustrated with his lack of success in the world. His definition of success is having accomplishments that are visible in the world and being acknowledged by others. She kept arguing him down with being content in the moment, seeing  beauty and "it is all a dream anyway" etc. Her motivation for doing this was her fear of Him pushing the body too hard. She has some ability to incite illness and physical injury mishaps and she used these powers to slow him down when she thought he was getting obsessive. They did practice Nonviolent communication with each other and heard each other's feelings and needs. They came up with an agreement that eased them both. She agreed to make room for him to plan and proceed with his ideas and actions in the outer world and he agreed to make an "escape clause", that he will "back out", if necessary, in order to take care of body.

Now, back to food and brain chemistry.
"Seek and Ye shall find" and " Ask and it will given to you" work well enough in my life that I keep doing it. Thus, without consciously knowing why, I picked from my bookcase "Potatoes not Prozac ... Are You Sugar Sensitive?" The title puts me off a bit because I am allergic to potatoes. The low yard sale price and the intuition urge overcame my potato repulsion. The book has been on my book case for 2 or 3 years.

All my life I have loved sugar and had guilt over it. Lately, my heavy feeling body and low level achy stinging sinuses and headaches were annoying me along with my desire to accomplish more in the world.

Other items on the book cover that got my attention this time:
"Control your Cravings..." and "Recognize How Foods Affect the Way You Feel"
The author, Kathleen DesMaisons, has a Phd in Addictive Nutrition. Humm.

The author examines levels of three things in relationship to food and "the way you feel" :blood sugar, serotonin, and Beta-endorphin. Charts in the book describe the feelings associated with optimal and low levels of these three in every combination, such as optimal blood sugar, low serotonin, and beta-endorphin.

Ok, those charts really got me hooked. I am paying attention now!  Though I have made great improvements in how I feel over the past 25 years, I see great hope for how to get more improvements! Here listed in these charts are issues I have dealt with metaphysically and now I see what I can do on the physical plane. (I know that anywhere one enters the Body - Mind - Spirit Loop, the action taken affects all three, and this can be observed, sooner or later.)

Here is what impressed me: Having low self esteem, Overwhelmed by other' pain, feeling isolated, feeling "done to" by others, and craving sugar can be brought on by insufficient Beta-endorphin.

Craving sweets, craving high carbohydrates like bread, pasta, and cereal, feeling blocked or scattered can result from insufficient serotonin.

The author gives aid in determining sugar sensitivity, a cause of alcoholism and impulsive eating. An example of the behavior of a sugar sensitive person she gives is: "When you were little and had Rice Krispies for breakfast, did you eat the cereal or did you eat the cereal so you could get to the milk and sugar at the bottom of the bowl?"

Ms. DesMaisons, goes on to write "People who are not sugar sensitive think the milk and sugar at the bottom of the bowl are disgusting. People who are sugar sensitive smile... They got high by tilting the cereal bowl into their mouths and tasting the clump of sugar at the bottom."

"Being sugar sensitive means you have a special biochemistry. you have a different relationship to sugar than a person with 'normal' biochemistry. You can become physiologically dependent on the effect sugars have on your body, that is "addicted".

The author lays out a great self help plan to develop a lifestyle that promotes the optimal balance of blood sugar, serotonin and beta-endorphin. Eating habits play the biggest part. She lays out the science and and what works for her clients. The first part is keeping a food and mood journal simply for self observation. This journal will aid in making decisions and observing progress.

At the time of this writing I am on the third day of keeping the journal. In the past I have cut out sugar and sweets, and then resumed their consumption many times. So it is natural for me to go ahead and cut them out and cheat some and just keep faithfully writing down amounts, what time and how I feel.

I have the added complication of being allergic or sensitive to many foods. I have gotten used to a lifetime of low energy, achiness, intermittent headaches, sinus pressure, and slightly itchy or sore throat. I know many of the problem foods, so I know what to stop eating when the symptoms get too great. (On top of all food  allergies,  I suffer mold allergies too)
And all of this used to be much worse. Up until age 26 or so, nausea after eating was normal for me and every year between August and the killing frost in mid-October, I was plagued with heavy flu like symptoms from ragweed pollen .... and when I was little I was allergic to cats.. so sad. I used to hold cuddly kittens. Within 15 minutes, my eyes and nose would start pouring water!

At the beginning of the food/feel journaling I was angry at having to look at how I am feeling physically and write it down. I have learned to ignore a lot of the physical discomforts.

Looks like from what I have read in the book, I am really gonna have to give up sugar. I love freedom! I went through a spell one day into journaling of feeling angry about the looming decision to give up more freedom around food. I talked to myself about the freedom I am gaining in exchange. The freedom I am gaining is the possibilities of what all I can do if I have clearer thinking and more physical, mental, emotional stamina. I got myself content.

Cindy's letter to council members about community gardening

Dear Council Member,
The recent upsetting bulldozing of Carver Park has brought the realization to advocates of Community gardening that our government does not understand what is needed structurally to provide  function and security in a community garden. The past several years, Metro Nashville has been working on making plans to have a green Nashville and a livable and secure Nashville. Over the past few years, the demand and supply for locally grown foods has been increasing. Community gardens, along with good communication and agreement with residents in the garden's local, improve quality of life.

Please work with advocates of community gardens to form city regulations about community gardens and the structures and processes, such as green houses, tool sheds and composting of leaves, so that those who invest their time and energy in growing food can do so in the security that the Metro government is supportive of community gardening.

Also, please work with the areas you represent to locate vacant lots away from areas of high automobile traffic for community gardens. The food produced will be healthier the less exposure the garden ground has to pollution from car exhaust and dust formed from tire tread  being worn by travel.

Thankyou for reading this.
Cindy MoonRose

N2MEUC : Apathy masking Fear Generated by Unmet Needs

There are two or more kinds of "I am not interested".  One is an authentic lack of attraction. Another one is apathy or denial of need. Type can be distinquished by qualities or atitudes. Authentic lack of attraction is associated with one or more: alertness, balance, competance,vitality, and other qualities of aliveness. The other is associated with one or more: boredom, apathy, irritation, compulsion, obsession, fault finding and blame and other bad feeling signals of unmet need or needs.

In Western society, deeply meaningful or deeply fulfilling encounters are mostly accidental or perhaps considered fated. Many are fueled by hormones in the service of perpetuating DNA. (And a whole lot of encounters which leave a LOT to be desired are fueled by reproductive hormones.)

Due to ignorance and lack of experience, people are limited in their connecting ability. Connecting in a broader range of circumstances and at different levels can be learned. This connection is experienced as meaningful and fulfilling.  Connection can be cultivated and/or expressed intentionally through touch, breath, words, sounds, awareness, gaze and by directing and receiving energy. 


I have the impression that many so called primitive societies had cultures that were vastly superior to ours in supporting rich, vibrant relationships among the people. Everybody's interpersonal needs were more fully met than in our society. The North American Natives have a wonderful saying "All my Relations" inclusive of all two leggeds, animals, and the spirit world and the Creator. Those cultures had more "Soul", more "Presence".

So back to apathy masking fear generated by unmet needs.
Humans need safety, body connection, understanding, to be seen, to be heard, to be accepted. This is known instinctively by some people. There are studies verifying all these things for those who want to know what science says. Experiences that contain the qualities mentioned above have been scientifically demonstrated to help our immune systems as well as to enhance our abilities to handle challenges in life.


The Apathy can be seen as our old hurts trying to protect us from reexperiencing old pain. Our fears of being hurt or being left with bad feelings urge us to not take risks. Our desire for more richness in relating urges us to look for or create opportunities.  We can learn how to create richness of connection and learn how to reestablish broken connection.

Cindy MoonRose, Martin Holsinger, and Anna Moore through Enlightening Adventures in Meditative Intimacy are offering learning experiences. Go to this website to sign up for annoucements of events

N2MEUC : Handling The Collision of Desired Experience with Fears from the Past

In the past,  pain of loneliness  drove me to establish or maintain connections with people.  These days, discontent, which is easier to ignore, signals my need for human relationships. I guess that most/all of us have had people experiences that can be rated from terrible to mediocre to good to ecstatic and shades in between.  I experience a tug of war between fear and desire during all the stages, deciding, planning, or waiting for arrival, of  getting together with one or more people.

At this point in my life, I repeatedly work to bring myself out of the fear and into remembering and having good feeling anticipation (instead of anxiety or bad feeling anticipation or apathy).

During the time period between setting the date for the first Enlightening Adventures in Meditative Intimacy and the arrival of the date, the clamor of fearful inner voices gets so big than I almost decide to cancel the event and walk away. However,  encouraging voices remind me to recall the vision that started Enlightening Adventures in Meditative Intimacy and all the deepening wonderful experiences this venture promises.  

Again and again, a voice (an idea) interjects into the fear to remind me to remember what I want. I use methods to move from fear into happy anticipation and happy preparation of the upcoming people event.
The methods are breath; appreciate the reminder; remember good times from the past and the associated good feelings/vibration/energy; remember that I want more in the future. And I go investigate the fears, because they may hold a step I need to take to make the event better or me better for the event.

AND, I am reminded to trust Spirit to bring people who love what we are offering and that we love the Presence they offer.  AND, that once I am facilitating and being at an event I can BE at the event and  rejoice the success afterwards as my personal history reminds me.

N2MEUC: Working my way out of conditioned compliance

Compliance: 1. the act or process of complying to a desire, demand, or proposal, or to coercion. b: conformity in fulfilling official requirements 2:disposition to yield to others 3: the ability of an object to yield elastically when a force is applied: Flexibility

I discovered I become angry when I comply. It has taken me years to identify what I am doing. There are times when my husband asks me to do something for him or to take care of some household task and I do it (sullenly). I didn't like how I would feel. My feelings did not make sense to me. After observing myself during several similar incidences I discovered that I was perceiving demands and believing that he was pushing me around. This scenerio in my mind put me in a bind. My inner story is "I have to..." ( do something that should be done or something because someone has asked, expects, or demands).

I respond with a "I have to " to certain situations. My inner story is that I lose my freedom. I get angry or resentful about losing my freedom ... anyone would!


I also interpret most interuptions as demands (with the associated accompanying loss of freedom, anger, and resentment) It has taken years for me to get that this perception and emotional drama is of my creation, and is not being done to me.

In my childhood, I learned (judged, decided) that is was safer to comply and feel the anger inside than not comply and experience the anger from a parent directed towards me with the accompanying threat of punishment.

So I came to associate requests with anger. Additionally, when I had a request of my parents or paternal grandparents, often the request was met with anger and resentment. I got the vibe from them of "go away" or I will do this because you are there and are bothering me. Doing this is a bother. I resent it.

I was 53 when I put all this together.

I recall that arguements went along the lines of "you have no reason to say no, or no earthly reason to say no. You have no reason to refuse. "

Logic and reason VS emotion.

 From my study of NVC (nonviolent communication)  https://www.cnvc.org/
 I learned to ask what need am I fulfilling in the contemplation of my relationship to compliance: The answer arose in me " I am fulfilling my need for understanding "No" . This is about respect and autonomy.

American socialization teaches value of the  struggle to control emotions in order to gain compliance.  (Compliance to something imposed from outside the individual experiencing "no")

Book Review "Sexual Healing" by Paul Persall, Phd

I am preparing to create learning experiences on relationships ( body connection, sensuality, communication, etc).

This book I has been unread on my book case for 8 years or so. The subtitle is "Using the power of an intimate, loving relationship to heal your body and soul".
The author studies the immune system. The book is full of reference to scientific studies and the observations of other people. He defines 5 styles of basic styles of sexual relating and the brain chemical associated with each on. The healing style is "Bonding" with the chemical oxytocin.

I am learning from reviewing my sexual/relationship history through the prism of this book.

TROUBLE TREE INTO CULINARY MUSHROOMS: ADVICE FOR YOUR URBAN HOMESTEAD

Do you have a healthy tree you need to trim back or cut down?
Did you know that you might be able to grow culinary mushrooms on small logs taken from limbs or small trees or on the stump, or in wood chips made from the tree?

The first step is to know the tree is healthy. Is it's bark free of big black lumps and wood pecker holes?

If the bark looks healthy, determine what kind of tree it is. Then go to the website of
The Mushroom People

and see if there is a kind of mushroom you can grow on your tree.

If the answer is yes, in February or March, trim your tree or cut your tree down before the leaves come out while the buds are swollen. At this time, the sap has a lot of nutrients in it that will get the culinary mushrooms off to a good start, out-competing any "weed" mushroom spores that happen to land on your mushroom logs or stump or wood chip pile.
Read  the website or talk to the folks at the Mushroom people about what you have and the best method for inoculation.

From Scratch Cooking - Slaw Dressing For Winter Eating

 In today's entry you can get info on cooking, egg laying, and homegrown/locally grown fresh winter foods.

I love mayonnaise and other dressings that have creamy texture. Unfortunately, I have food allergies that keep me from eating many commercially prepared "mayo" and other salad dressings. 
I had been purchasing an inexpensive nonorganic  canola oil based mayo from Whole Foods, but felt increasingly uncomfortable with the likelihood that the canola oil was pressed from GMO rape seed.

I can go through a quart of mayo in  less than a week. Today, disturbed by the thought of consuming so  much GMO canola oil, I made my own mayo substitute for my cole slaw.

I have enough experience cooking and browsing  old cook books  over the years that I can satisfy my gourmet cook/eater without having to go to the trouble of finding a specific recipe. 

Creamy dressings are usually made of oil, vinegar/ and/ or lemon juice and egg or some kind of thickening agent such as xanthan gum or guar gum. Xanthan gum is out for me because it is corn based, and  I am allergic to corn .

Here is how tonight's concocting went:

Goal: mayo to chop locally grown organic carrots and cabbage and (don't know where it came from) parsley into with my food processor to make 2 big servings of slaw.

I took a 7 inch diameter heavy bottom sauce pan. Into the sauce pan I poured  a big puddle of grape seed oil ( any kind of healthy oil OK for cooking is fine). I gently heated the oil on medium low.

Into the warm oil, I stirred prepared mustard and a dash of Braggs liquid aminos (anything for seasoning that will either dissolve or have acceptable texture for salad dressing is fine). 

Into the now seasoned oil I stirred in one raw egg (locally laid). I added about 1/4 tsp of guar gum powder to ensure a nice thickness. (any thickener can be used, including flour from wheat, rice, tapioca, chick peas ... any thing that is finely ground and will absorb oil and water.)

I cooked the egg mixture gently by stirring frequently and adjusting the heat so that the mixture  looked smooth. The end result was creamy and smooth and yummy! Now I had my slaw dressing which fits the definition of mayonnaise.

I chopped 2 small carrots and a Tablespoon of fresh parsley in my food processor. Then added coarsely chopped fresh raw cabbage. I used the machine to make the slaw pieces small. I had more ingredients than would fit at once in the little 8 ounce bowl. So I removed the finely chopped cabbage/carrots/parsley mix to another container and set it  aside and finished chopping the remainder along with my just made mayo (when it cooled off enough to put in a plastic food chopper bowl!). 

Finely chopped ingredients take less volume, so  I did manage to fit it all into the small chopper bowl  at once, getting  the  creamy slaw all chopped and mixed together.

I certainly enjoyed eating my raw vegetables as slaw tonight, with no thoughts of ingesting more GMO's. It is nice to know what you are eating and FEEL GOOD about it and have your body feel good (as opposed to vaguely or not so vaguely "off")

As an advocate for eating locally grown food, I want to point out that cabbage can be harvested during late fall, early winter and stored. Same with carrots. Also, carrots maybe harvested during the winter. They might need some freeze protection. Parsley can take the bitter cold, too. 

Chickens tend to slow their egg laying as the days shorten. They can have their inner clocks fooled into greater egg production, however, by giving them a few hours of artificial light.  Nature does give them a rest from egg laying with the hens' natural response to decrease/ or temporarily stop egg production during the cold months. 

Simple increase in positivity

The past few weeks, I been gently nudged to use computer time writing more and reading less.  This is what I wrote following this guidance.  I came to this blank blog page not knowing what I would write.
Here is what came out of me:

I wish something would be channeled. I do not want to get a headache over this. I do not want it to be hard.

There are the negatives. Reframe to positive. 
I want to enjoy doing this I want to gain energy doing this. I want it to feed me. I want it to be easy.
Now make affirmations of the above statements:
I enjoy writing. I feel good about writing. My writing develops me and helps develop others. I enjoy writing. Writing energizes me. I know when to end my writing session.

I wonder about doing a written exercise or speaking exercise where I develop affirmations as preparing myself for more of my everyday activities.

I know I will raise my vibrations if I go about my day in this manner.

I feel happy and clear now.

January Fun with Autumn Harvested Mutt WInter Squash

I save seeds and don't keep labels straight. Or maybe it was the pollinators fault and the seeds I planted were not pure bred anyway. The larger winter squash varieties (including pumpkin) are vigorous growers, once they get going. They can grow fast enough to survive the hungry onslaughts of ground hogs and deer ... with some help from me to do some discouraging of those mammals.  These growing outside the garden fence help entertain the unwanted eaters and reduce the likelihood of them getting in the garden. And I usually get some fruit out of the deal. I found out that the squash fruit can heal from bites from the deer. The fruit scabs over.


This one has been in a cool room in the house (temperature range between 50 and 60 degrees F) since it was brought indoors late October, before the killing frost.

Here is the squash cut in half:

on the most green outside you can see light brown scars from animal bites

Humm, from the above photo, the size is unclear.

Here is another picture with a frame of reference.

 The depth doesn't show. I held a half over my belly and looked 6 month pregnant.

This squash is a "womb" with lots of umbilical cords! One leading to each and every seed! See next photo:

Most of the seeds are hidden under the strands (umbilical cords).
Black and white was good to shoot the next photo in:

AND here is a gross up, uh, that is close up of that hand full of seeds.

And here is one more, in color with most of the goo washed off:

EATING AND PRESERVING THIS BIG SQUASH
One half went onto a sheet of freezer paper to cover the cut side and into the extra refrigerator in the basement.
One half got 3/4 processed or eaten. Some was cut into 1/2 x 1 inch cubes, steamed and buttered. Some was cut into 1x1/2x 4 inch strips and gently browned in olive oil. Some was cut up into bite sized chunks or long strips, steamed and placed on a cookie sheet and placed in the deep freeze. I am allergic to wheat, so these frozen chunks will be my "pasta"  to include in stir fries or to top salads later.

Goofy looking stringy parts and irregular chunks were cooked down with some cranberry and apricot in a low water pot. That will be combined with rice flour and egg and be cooked as a pudding later. All the previously mentioned winter squash flesh had been peeled. The green peels are so tender and thin that I chopped them up and will make whey based kimchee from them.

In addition to this midwinter eating, I enjoyed immature squash back in the fall.
The blossoms are edible too. They do not have much of a taste, but they do add color to salads.

BIG POTTED GARDEN VEGGIES LIVING IN MY BEDROOM

Early winter weather had been mild five Decembers prior to 2010, making growing cool weather veggies a delightful experience. This is a plus that Climate Change brings. 

December 2010 was harsh with temperatures dipping down into the single digits. Abnormal weather extremes are thought to be a part of Climate Change.  The nice big green house usually available was unusable due to incomplete rebuilding. These plants were in pots for portability. They were to be examples  at a talk I was supposed to give on December 13th. (The event was canceled due to freezing precipitation in the forecast.)

Cold hardy plants are OK with their leaves freezing, but  they will die if  their roots freeze.  Since these were in pots and not in the ground,  they were at risk for freezing if left outdoors. So, I brought them in and they have managed to survive and grow a little under one screw-in type fluorescent bulb. A few leaves have been harvested every few days  for a small  fresh picked salad. The plants are  swiss chard, chinese cabbage, pok choi, and two other Asian varieties, their name forgotten for the time being. 

These plants were started  from seed in mid September. They would have been up to three times as big if they had spent their entire lives with their roots in the ground outdoors. The seed came from some local stores that carry a nice selection of seed for fall harvest. (By the calendar, winter starts on the solstice, which occurs December 20 or 21st.)

The presence of these plants seem to be helping me sleep better at night.  Plants use CO2 and exhale O2. So these green living things are adding quality to the air in my bedroom.

I sleep with my head under a tented sleeping bag.  I used to get kinda smothery feeling under there. I notice the absence of that feeling of not enough air since the plants have been sharing the room with me. 

"Why does she sleep with her head under the covers?" you may be wondering.

I do not have curtains in my room because I like to be awakened by the early morning sun. Neighbors have a light that shines into the window, annoying me; and the room gets chilly. The sleeping bag provides darkness and warmth.

From now on, I will have some kind of plants in my bedroom to improve the air quality and my sleep.